We set boundaries and an expectation of 1st time obedience... How do we teach this?
We start at 18 months...(this is BY FAR the easiest age to teach it - later is harder and harder to reel them in if they don't have a strong foundation).
At 18 months, we mostly use time-out. If I say "come" and they don't, I say "when mommy says come you should obey me the first time." I place them in time-out for 1 minute. Then, we try it again.
As they get older, I have had to use a choice/swat method... "I asked you to "come." Now you can come with NO swats or 1 swat.... If they don't come, I swat once and then say, "you can come with 1 or 2 swats. etc... They are going to do what I asked and I stay with it until they obey the first time.
We did not do this with one child. To teach them 1st time obedience later, we had to "practice" - for example, "wow, you didn't obey me the 1st time, looks like you need to spend 20 minutes practicing listening to mommy and obeying the first time." We also use sentence writing "I will obey mommy the 1st time," and the choice/swat method to help enforce the boundaries we have established. Unfortunately, the later you start, the more reinforcement it takes for them to understand that the boundary is the boundary - no matter what!
We start at 18 months...(this is BY FAR the easiest age to teach it - later is harder and harder to reel them in if they don't have a strong foundation).
At 18 months, we mostly use time-out. If I say "come" and they don't, I say "when mommy says come you should obey me the first time." I place them in time-out for 1 minute. Then, we try it again.
As they get older, I have had to use a choice/swat method... "I asked you to "come." Now you can come with NO swats or 1 swat.... If they don't come, I swat once and then say, "you can come with 1 or 2 swats. etc... They are going to do what I asked and I stay with it until they obey the first time.
We did not do this with one child. To teach them 1st time obedience later, we had to "practice" - for example, "wow, you didn't obey me the 1st time, looks like you need to spend 20 minutes practicing listening to mommy and obeying the first time." We also use sentence writing "I will obey mommy the 1st time," and the choice/swat method to help enforce the boundaries we have established. Unfortunately, the later you start, the more reinforcement it takes for them to understand that the boundary is the boundary - no matter what!
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