Keep the Boundaries

We set boundaries and an expectation of 1st time obedience... How do we teach this?

We start at 18 months...(this is BY FAR the easiest age to teach it - later is harder and harder to reel them in if they don't have a strong foundation).

At 18 months, we mostly use time-out. If I say "come" and they don't, I say "when mommy says come you should obey me the first time." I place them in time-out for 1 minute. Then, we try it again.

As they get older, I have had to use a choice/swat method... "I asked you to "come." Now you can come with NO swats or 1 swat.... If they don't come, I swat once and then say, "you can come with 1 or 2 swats. etc... They are going to do what I asked and I stay with it until they obey the first time.

We did not do this with one child. To teach them 1st time obedience later, we had to "practice" - for example, "wow, you didn't obey me the 1st time, looks like you need to spend 20 minutes practicing listening to mommy and obeying the first time." We also use sentence writing "I will obey mommy the 1st time," and the choice/swat method to help enforce the boundaries we have established. Unfortunately, the later you start, the more reinforcement it takes for them to understand that the boundary is the boundary - no matter what!

Put them in the FUNNEL

For discipline, I have tried time out (many times), spanking, yelling, moving a child, removal of toys, playing referee for the children's arguments.

Why so many things? Well, time out works for a few minutes (while they are in TO), spanking (in general to me) seems to break their spirit, yelling breaks hearts, moving a child myself isn't teaching they have responsibility for their actions, taking away toys - oh my kids thank me for that - they say, "oh thank you mom, we had too many toys!"; playing referee I have learned makes me the bad guy and I end up the loser every single time (it can created unity among children as they gang up on you :O)).

For time sake, I will bullet one thing a day that we use now:

• Appropriate boundaries. We set boundaries like a funnel with the small side down (see picture). Imagine at the smallest part of the funnel is age 1 and the largest part of the funnel, age 16-18. The boundaries start off tight (small) and increase as mature. For example, if you allow the 1 year old to play with the remote control, it's cute, but they don't have the maturity to properly use it...so use of the remote would come when they can use it properly.

Sound tough? It's not. I have seen 2 year old with no boundaries. There are baby gates up all over the house to protect what they aren't mature enough to touch, but when the gates come down, they don't know how to be around things that they can't touch.

Age appropriate boundaries make you and your children welcome most anywhere.

Check in tomorrow to see how we make enforce boundaries and how we celebrate increased boundaries.

"Get the Belt!"

When I got in trouble when I was growing up, I would here, "get the belt!" I hated those words - it was like fingernails of a chalkboard...................

My family is young (8, 6, 3). I wanted to raise them differently than I was raised. I read so many books, took parenting classes, searched the bible, went to a family vision workshop (http://www.familyvisionnow.com/) asked friends, family, etc. Some things I filed in "what NOT to do," while others, "what to try."

I wanted kids who didn't fight...what? is that possible? Yes, I would say you can pretty closely achieve it. I also wanted alot of laughter and JOY in my family.

In the coming days, I am going to share some of my favorite parenting tools and books for your library. In the meantime, check out the Family Vision workshop dates near YOU!

changes...

we have been homeschooling since May of this year. Just today, we realized the changes we have seen.

Last year, 1st grade, the days were so long - our girls would fight after school and be grumpy....this year we see joy, unity, encouragerment, peace and SO much LOVE for one another!

i am so thankful for the changes in our family!

sickness....from a 3 year old

I have been battling some sickness for 3 months. I go to the Doctor and have all the symptoms of an illness, but all the tests say "negative." I have been asking God, "what are you teaching me through this."

My 3 year old said, "mommy, you remember when I was sick?"

Mom, "yes...I remember that when we asked if you were sick, you said, "No, I am healed...stop saying that!"" (can you do double quotes?)

3 year old, "yes mommy...sometimes I may feel sick, but I am already healed in the Lord."
God truly is a gentle whisper through this little girl. Yes, God - I may feel sick, but I am already healed in YOU!

Home schooling momma

Check out Robin's blog today on having a vision for our children.
http://manymeadows.blogspot.com/2007/11/you-may-be-home-educator-if.html

Are you a homeschooler?

Who said homeschooling was easy?

I remember the day that I would dream of when ALL my children would be in school...I told my husband that I would LOVE being a stay-at home mom then! I would run all my errands, clean the house, have food for everyone...and do all the things I have always wanted to do! :O)

One year into school (with still 2 little ones at home), we are called to homeschool. I told my husband, you are going to have to make this decision because I was skewed by my vision of "me time!"

He made the decision and I am a homeschooler - I don't have much time to run errands, put away the laundry or do all the things I dreamed of...Instead I

Get to - love on my children all day long, I get the best part of their day, I get every teachable moment (if I am paying attention!), I get to cuddle on the couch with a book (and sometimes in my PJ's!), I get hugs and kisses all day long. I don't get the leftovers anymore!

I am so grateful to get this time with these GIFTS from God! I let the laundry pile, the dishes pile, and all the stuff can just wait...I am sure there will be plenty of time to catch up when they are gone. :O)

Loving it!